Perfect
by RenaissanceLou
Summary: AU. Sequel to 'Returning Favors'. Yusuke never has been particularly good at letting things go, and Koenma never quite grasped a talent for convincing him to. Yu/Ko.


**Sequel to "Returning Favors". We come to Yusuke's POV now, and this takes place not very long after the events of RF. Enjoy. ****  
**

* * *

"_No, I cant… I mean, there's no point… and even if we did, I mean…"_

Reluctance. It was better then complete rejection. Or at least that's what I told myself when I had headed over here, because reluctance was something he always had in his back pocket when he didn't have the heart to say no, which was always.

"_It just… It doesn't make any sense. We would both be… better off… if we didn't. I mean, really."_

And he stuttered when he was nervous or unsure. And he avoided eye contact when he was really nervous. Now he was stuttering, not making eye contact, and blushing like a tomato. I didn't know whether to smile at his adorable disposition or shoot myself in the foot for putting him there.

"_And… God, we've all ready talked about this."_

We talked about any serious issue between us at least four times before we solved it back in our glory days as a couple. As a somewhat dysfunctional, scandalous, yet happy couple.

"_I mean, I don't… I just don't know. Fuck, Yusuke, why did you even come?"_

I was starting to ask that question myself.

"Shouldn't that be obvious?" I was standing there in jeans in a red t-shirt, allowing myself to dress like a common man in public. No shades, no grease in my hair. "Did I not make that clear enough?"

"I meant… what I meant was…" he rolled his eyes, still blushing. "What in God's name gave you the sudden idea to do this? To come over here and fuck up everything we were supposed to have settled last weekend?"

"You wanted closure through sleeping together?" It was a serious question, but I will admit to having to hold back a chuckle as I said it. "I thought that was just to seal the deal of me not spilling the beans about what we were back then."

He blushed harder. "I considered it both. I also considered it to be the last time we would be participating in such."

I sighed and asked quietly if I could please come in, because standing in his doorway was starting to get tiring. He replied with a very curt refusal and then gave in after a second of silence and moved aside.

The innards of his recently bought house- hardwood floors, minimal decorations, mostly pictures of his family- screamed "stereotypical overly dedicated politician" at the top of it's metaphorical lungs. Had I not known Koenma as I did, I would have missed the big "phony" that it all screamed even louder.

He moved swiftly to his living room and plopped on the couch and pointed to the living chair farthest away from him. Typical.

I sat without objection before he opened his mouth and released a big heavy sigh. "Go." was all he said. "You have a very limited amount of time, because my patience is all ready running thin."

"You're not nearly as nervous as you were last weekend." I felt myself desperately trying to slip back into the dominant role I had known all too well, but I wasn't necessarily on home turf anymore.

And he was aware of it too, because he scoffed. "I went there to ask a favor. Now you're here asking for one from me."

"You wanted sex-" he blushed a bit and looked downward as I said it, "-I just came to chat."

"Bullshit."

I smiled. "You know me all too well."

He fidgeted a bit before forcing himself to sit still. "You show up at my doorstep dressed like…" he looked for the right words. 'like you would back when we first met' wouldn't have been too kind for the atmosphere of the room, so he went for "…like a typical commoner, and say you'd like to 'talk this out'."

I just kind of shrugged. "All going according to plan."

Koenma raised a half-threatening eyebrow. "What is this plan?"

"It stops here." I sighed. "I was hoping my heart would do the rest."

He blushes. And he's adorable but he knows that I'm serious. "I don't know what it is you want from me."

"I told you, I wanted to talk."

"Dammit, Yusuke, talk then."

And I do, but I fold my hands together and sigh deeply. In his white dress shirt and slacks, it's evident he was planning on heading out soon. "I wont take up too much of your precious time."

I bite my tongue. Then release. Then breathe, then sigh, then start.

"Let me start by… I don't know, apologizing, I guess." I was too much of a puss to meet his eyes at this point, but I imagine they were slightly wide. "What happened between us… I guess it was my fault. Because you… you didn't do anything wrong… You could never do anything wrong. Goddammit, you're so fucking perfect."

I still didn't meet his eyes, but I imagine they were even wider.

" And… and you made me happy… and I guess… I guess I made you happy, too? Even if it were just a bit, but…"

My breathing slowly required more and more effort. "But… but I've never been so happy in my life…" I wasn't used to being open, and he knew it, and putting my heart on the line like this was something I promised myself I would never do again, yet here I was. "So I need to say that I'm sorry."

He stuttered for awhile, not knowing quite how to respond,

"No." It was the first word he said since I started running my mouth. "No, I-I ended this." And he had, but that wasn't the point.

"But you ended it for a reason, so whatever that reason is, I'm sor-"

"Yusuke, I did it for-" he choked. Not on tears, but on reluctance. Fucking reluctance. "-for the sake of the career I wanted to lead."

"So I couldn't be the right example you needed to do what it was in life you wanted to do. Again, my fault." I tilted my head slightly upward to try and see him.

"That wasn't who you were." I didn't know now if he was making an accusation or being apologetic or both. "I wasn't about to ask you, of all people, to change." Yeah, definitely both.

"You should've. Because I would've." I didn't know if that were true or not when we broke up, but it was true now that we were having to live apart.

"No." he breathed, now he looked downward, shaking his head. " No, no, no."

We were silent for a bit before he looked upward and sharply met my gaze without backing down.

"I was going to be a great, wonderful politician like my father." he said it with shuddering breath, not sure if he wanted to say it to me or himself. "I wanted to please him. I wanted, more than anything, to hear him tell me that he was proud of me, and-" and he looked away. "-and I had to give what I had with you up to attain it."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"There's _everything _wrong with that!" he raised his voice and raked his fingers through his hair. "Fuck, I-" he stood and paced, back and forth slowly, as he spoke loud and fast. "I-I… You can pretend all you want to be some strong, tough guy, and you are, and… but…" he stopped and thought of what to say, distress clear in his eyes, and I felt my heart break. "But you told me, last weekend, after we… after everything that happened that I had hurt you…" he was starting to panic, not thinking before he spoke and holding his head and pacing again and… "I-I hurt you for my own selfish needs, and- and dammit all, I didn't know what else I was supposed to do!"

"Breathe." I told him. I didn't move, I tried to stay calm. I wanted to reach out to him, touch him, hold him, but I knew I couldn't. He stopped and looked at his hands before he sat back down and cradled his face in both palms, elbows on knees. I sighed before I spoke again. "Do you remember what you told me?"

"Told you what?" he groaned through his fingers.

I watched him. "You probably don't even remember, but one night you told me that your dad was your hero growing up, because of how disciplined and strong he was, because of how much power he had."

He didn't move, or speak, which meant he either remembered or was trying to.

"I could never ask you to do something that would get in the way of what you felt you needed to do for him." I tried to find words that wouldn't upset him. "This… you don't owe me an apology for this."

"Well you don't either." It was evident this subject was distressing him, so I muttered a raspy "Fine" and went on to the next topic, or at least I tried to when only silence came.

"I didn't mean to upset you." I sighed. "I should probably go."

But he suddenly spoke up instead. "I didn't go to you last weekend to use you."

My eyes grew wide. "No, of course not. I never thought you would."

His amber eyes looked worried as he bit his lip. "I went what I told you I went for. I would never lie about something like that."

"I know."

"But I-" he inhaled sharply to stop from another panic attack. "I found myself _wanting _what we actually ended up doing halfway through…"

"Me too!" I argued. "There's nothing wrong with that, we needed each other, and-"

"But I don't want you to think that was the reason I came! Because I wanted to do that to you, because I wanted to bring all those memories back, because I-" he stopped and bit his lip again and took a deep breath. "…because I just wanted to be selfish again."

I sighed his name. "You're not selfish."

"Yes I am. Yes I fucking am." He shook his head, still in that state of distress, but quieter now. I just breathed and watched him, two very difficult things to carry out at that moment. I wanted to speak up, but it took us a few moments of silence to move on.

"I meant it… when I told you that I missed you."

He looked upward and we found peace in making eye contact, his light eyes watching mine intently with no effort. "I know." he whispered. "I had missed you too."

Past tense. Reluctance.

"And I'm sorry that I was such a jerk that day when you first came to visit… I…"

He was still watching, searching, knowing exactly what I was going to say yet not knowing what to expect.

"I wanted to be strong in front of you." With that I felt as if I should've returned my gaze downward, but I couldn't bring myself to leave those eyes behind. "I didn't want you to see what I was really feeling at that point."

He shrugged. "It wouldn't have mattered either way."

And it wouldn't, but the words stung like wasps. Either way, we would have done what we did. Either way, we would be here now.

Either way, we would both leave that night hurting.

I see him, sitting there, watching me. His eyes are low but they are keeping mine in tact, and his face is sullen and with closer observation I find that he has obviously not been sleeping well. I am tempted to ask about it, but what good would that do us? How much closer, if at any at fucking all, would that bring us to where I had come for us to be?

What did me showing compassion for him in times like these ever accomplish for either of us?

"Do you hate me?" I asked softly.

He waited to see if I had anything to else to add to it, and when he saw that I didn't he sighed and finally gave up on our eye contact to scan his floor sadly. "No." he said shakily yet firmly, because he meant it but he didn't want to.

"Do you miss me?"

Reluctance? "Sometimes."

He didn't elaborate and I didn't have the balls to ask him to. "Is there… is there anything else?"

"Anything else… to what?" I found myself unable to tear my gaze from him. "To say?"

Koenma looked upward. He looked hurt, but not broken, like I was. "If this is it…"

"If this is it, then we just go back to our separate lives and be bitter about being away from one another some more?" I shook my head and sat up, almost ready to stand but not quite there yet. "No, I'm done with that bullshit."

Those big jewels of soft amber opened wide at me. "What are you even…"

"I'm not living without you anymore."

And with that I could see him start to break. I could see that he wasn't expecting that, not even in that "I-kind-of-expected-this-from-you-but-not-really" kind of way that he expected everything that I did back when we were together.

"We've all ready… Yusuke, what are you-"

I shook my head and stood, glaring at him. "I'm serious about the two of us being what we were."

He stayed seated, shocked and unwilling to believe this was actually happening.

"Every fucking night since you left me, all I can think about is how I'd kill to have you lying next to me. I could live forever without sex, or money, or any of that bull shit if you were just with me, like you used to always be." My fists clenched and unclenched to balance my necessary anger and unnecessary volume increase. "I don't give a fuck about who you are anymore or who you're trying to be. I'm gonna be perfect for you if it kills me."

"Shut up!" he stood to his feet and came nose to nose with me, planning his attack with calculated body language. "Shut the fuck up, Yusuke, you're not making any sense!" his glare bore into me and I glared back. "I'm not putting up with any sappy, romantic bull from you right now! I'm trying to be someone for God's sake, why cant you just let me be happy?"

"And I'm trying be someone too, someone for you! I'll be anything you want me to be!"

"Do you realize how desperate you sound right now?" Now he was being accusatory, belittling. "So much for trying to be strong!"

"I am desperate!" I inhaled sharply. "I miss you! Dammit all, I can't go one more day without you!"

"I knew it." he sighed and shook his head, his tone lowered now but much more threatening. "I knew last weekend would end up being a huge mistake."

"No." I said just as quietly before I pulled an envelope from my pocket. "It wasn't, it made me realize what it was I was missing in my life."

Koenma eyed the white paper intently, almost worriedly. "What is that?"

I smiled softly, sadly. That's all I had to do, and he knew.

"Yusuke, no…"

"I sold it this morning." his face twisted into something that included shock, sadness, anger and sympathy, and it was heart breaking and beautiful at the same time. "I put the sign up a few days ago and got an offer immediately."

Koenma didn't speak, he just shook his head, his jaw dropped.

"I told you." I said. "I'm going to be perfect for you."

I expected a lot of things. Maybe him screaming at me, maybe him kicking me out and calling me back later. Maybe him calling me an idiot, maybe him even finally giving in and just kissing me.

I didn't expect crying from him in a million years.

His eyes reddened quickly as soft tears began to form in his gorgeous eyes. I just watched as they fell down his face. "For fuck's sake…" he whispered through them, looking at me with hurt itching all around him. "I can't believe… Why would you…"

"I'm leaving that life behind me." I tried to smile, but I could never smile at something as not-okay as a crying Koenma. "That was a life without you in it, and it wasn't worth it anymore." I reached up to swipe tears off his face with my thumb.

He shook his head and stomped his foot. "What is _wrong _with you?" Now I was being scolded, yelled at. "That was your claim to fame, the thing that brought in the most money. You were proud of that club." he tried to wipe tears away himself. "And you _sold it_? You fucking sold your pride and joy for…"

He couldn't finish, so I did for him. "For you, yes, I did." I bit my lip, tempted to move closer to him. "Why is that a problem?"

His hurt expression and tears killed me internally. "…I'm not worth that." He whispered pathetically, looking downward and fidgeting with his hands. "I'm not worth giving up your livelihood, giving up something you worked so hard on." He inhaled sharply and I felt my heart attempt escape from my chest. "I never will be."

"Yes, you are. To me, you always have been." I took a step closer and wiped his tears away with my hands cupping his gorgeous face, all the while Koenma completely refusing to look me in the eyes.

I circled my arms around him and pulled him into a tight embrace without thinking twice, staring down at him intently. "I love you." I let the words dance on in the air as he gasped and looked up at hearing me saying them before I chuckled lightly at just how true they really were. "You gorgeous, arrogant, prideful little bastard." His bright, perfect eyes, stung with tears and wide with shock and hell knows what else, met mine and I felt my heart stop. "I love you so much."

He breathed my name, more tears lacing his eyes. I leaned down and gently kissed him, closing my eyes and savoring his quivering lips. He kissed me back, answering my call for apology. His arms wrapped tightly around my neck and I knew that he had finally gave in.

When I pulled away gently I was smiling at him. He was crying even harder now, but at least he was looking me in the eyes this time. He sighed and tried to regain his composure, the two of us still holding each other lovingly, and bit his lip. "I love you too." he whispered gently. "I mean it, Yusuke. I love you so much it hurts."

Of course he did. I caused him so much pain, put him through so much shit, made him question himself so many times- and he _still_ loved me. I quickly kissed him, afraid I would lose my self control if I relished too much in his affection. I never wanted to kiss any other person ever again- never wanted to see another naked body, man or woman- never wanted to share a bed with someone else, never hold anyone else. Koenma was the one. He had to be.

I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes, inhaling his scent, treasuring this moment we had together. "You're an idiot, then."

He giggled weakly. "_You're _the idiot." he sighed and we shared a short, sacred silent moment before he said my name softly. "Yusuke."

I opened my eyes and stared into his amber iris for a split second before I replied. "Hm?"

"M-Me too." he said. "I'm going to be perfect for you, too."

I couldn't hold back a gleeful, hardy laugh. "Idiot," I said after kissing his nose, smiling and tightening my grip on him in the middle of his living room. "You all ready are."

* * *

**AN: **_And then Lou died of heart failure._

_Thanks for reading. 3_


End file.
